By Addie Johnson [Content from Life Is Sweet.]
We struggle with war, poverty, global warming, rising crime rates, and a barrage of news, hardly any of it good. We hear of people getting sick, getting divorced, or dying. Celebrities have fabulous lives, but you don't, and the "if only's" threaten to win the day: "My life would be sweet if only I were richer, more famous, thinner, younger, older, had a better job, lived in a different city..."
But happiness is all around you. And it doesn't care how much money you have or the circumstances of your life. Here are some tips on how to look on the bright side and find the happiness in front of you.
>> When Off to Bed, Forget the Fight
Maya Angelou's brother gave her a painting with the instruction to hang it so that it was the last thing she and her husband saw before going to bed at night. So if they were in the middle of an argument, they could look at the painting and say, "Oh, stop. Whatever it was, whatever you said, forget it," and go to bed with a twinkle in their eyes.
>> Create a Love List
If I'm feeling low, one of the best ways I know to perk up is to make a love list. It's simple, just a list of every single person I love. Then I follow it up with another list of all the people I know who love me. I can stash it in a pocket to take with me on a tough day, or just keep it in mind as I get on with my life.
>> Find Lost Friends
I recently took some time to follow up on the impulse I get every week or so to seek out people that I've lost touch with over the years. I don't know what we did before the Internet. It took only a little time to shoot a few quick emails around the country, and within 24 hours I had baby pictures, recent histories, and writing clips. But the interesting thing was that all three people I got in touch with had been thinking about contacting me a couple of days before getting my email. It was as if I had sent out a psychic detective to people I once had a very close connection with, and before I got around to following up, half the work had already been done. So the next time you think, "Hey, I wonder what ever happened to So-and-So," you might surprise them by tracking down their email address and telling them you got their psychic message.
>> Gossip
I know, I know, your mother was right when she told you not to gossip, but what about a new take on it? Why not get together and have a feel good gossip party, where the "omigosh" is not so much about scandal, but about celebration of the great things in your friends' lives?
>> Find Your Own Fountain of Youth
If you want to keep a spring in your step and a twinkle in your eye, all the while keeping senior moments and other more serious memory lapses at bay, one of the best things to do is to change your routine. Drive a different route to work, switch your right and left hands for everyday activities, eat dessert first, and wear your pajamas to work. Wait, no, that last one will get your family giving you worried looks for sure?
>> Think Positively
Did anyone ever tell you the glass is half full? Somebody told me once it depends whether you're pouring or drinking. Seriously, though, if you can figure out how to get optimistic and stay that way, you're home free. I'm not saying your problems are over, but simply looking at the world through rose-colored specs means that half your problems will look like exciting challenges, and the other half you'll probably realize aren't problems at all, just facts of life.
>> Go Out Dancing
Salsa. Two-stepping. Line and square dancing. Hippityhop, as my grandmother likes to say. Even if you're way past that college/post-college phase of going out clubbing to drink too much and hook up with hotties, you can still have a blast going out with your best friends for a night on the town. Loud music + exercise + adrenaline + mild social anxiety = guaranteed mood elevation.
>> Go to the Playground
I love to watch kids on the playground screaming with laughter about the silliest things. Completely invested in make-believe worlds, totally in their bodies, and overflowing with sensory awareness--that's the way to live.
>> Wish Upon a Star
The best time to see shooting stars that I know of is the Perseid meteor shower, which happens sometime during the second week of August. At its peak, on a moonless night away from city lights, you can see one to two shooting stars every minute. Imagine all those wishes coming true.
>> Create Your Own Soundtrack
In high school my friends and I used to sit for hours making mixed tapes for each other. Now it can all be done with a couple of mouse clicks, but the impulse is still great--to share the soundtrack of your life with someone you love. As you play it, it becomes shared background music for both your lives.
By Ariane de Bonvoisin [Adapted from "The First 30 Days: Your Guide to Any Change (and Loving Your Life More)" She is founder and CEO of First30Days.com, a company dedicated to helping people through life changes. Learn more at First30Days.com.]
Life's transitions are ultimately positive, even if they don't always feel it. Here's how to navigate them gracefully.
Everyone experiences change--it may be a job change, relationship change, health change, or a change you've initiated that suddenly seems daunting. If you find change difficult, you're not alone. Many people think change is hard. But it's possible for the change you're going through to be easier, smoother, and less stressful--you can find the positive in transitions and learn to love your life more...you can become a Change Optimist.
>> Remember That Change Happens to Us All
Change happens every day, to everyone; it's the one constant in life, the thing that connects us all. And whether life has thrown a change at you or you've sought one out, it's natural to find it difficult.
But I believe change is positive, that anyone can change (you're never too old or too young), and there are always ways to make change easier. It's time to learn one of life's most important skills: how to navigate change!
>> From Every Change, Something Good Will Come
People who are good at change always focus on the positive that will inevitably come from any transition. The gift that comes from change may not be related to what you're currently going through. For example, you may lose your job but find yourself in a rewarding new relationship that you wouldn't have had time to pursue.
Change may lead you to new people, help you develop a stronger faith and belief in yourself, give you new opportunities, or inspire you to live a healthier life. It's important to be on the lookout for good changes, and not necessarily where you expect to find them!
>> Your Beliefs About Change Are Your Foundation
What you think about change will have a direct effect on how easy or hard you find the process. If you believe that change is difficult and terrible, then you will probably have a difficult and terrible time. But if you believe that change exists to teach you something--to make you a better person and put you on a new path--the transition will not be so daunting. Identify your beliefs--what you think and say to yourself and others during change--and turn them around.
For example, if you are having financial trouble, you may think "I am incapable of managing money." Or if you're going through a difficult break-up, you may believe "I am unlovable." But you can trade these disempowering beliefs--and their accompanying negativity and complaining--for thoughts that will give you strength and hope.
>> Get 'Unstuck' with the Change GPS
Because of emotions brought up by change, it's easy to get stuck in the past and to lose your ability to move forward. You may feel trapped by these Change Demons, but you can get unstuck by turning on your Change GPS! A GPS navigator only asks two questions: "Where are you now?" and "Where do you want to go?" Your Change GPS helps you move through transitions by alerting you if you're off-course and encouraging you to focus on your final destination.
If you're hoping to lose weight, for example, be honest about where you stand today (how much you need to lose and the most realistic approach), then create a plan and stick to it. The GPS won't tell you what you did wrong yesterday or what you could have done differently; it simply keeps you moving along the path to your ultimate goal.
>> Turn to Your Change Support Team
It's normal to feel isolated during change. We often think what we are facing is so unique that no one else can help or understand us. But change is easier when you let other people in. Whatever the situation, there is always, always, someone who can help.
One of the quickest ways to embrace change and move through it is to surround yourself with a team of supportive people. They can be family, friends, clergy members, therapists, co-workers--or anyone else who might help you through a change. These people are there to listen, support, and encourage you. They believe you can change, they want you to change, and most importantly, they will keep you on a path of hope and optimism as you move through the transition.
>> Change Demons Are a Healthy Part of Change
Change Demons are disempowering feelings that arise during any change. These emotions--fear, doubt, impatience, shame, blame, and guilt--can wreak havoc with your self-esteem and destroy hope. But they also remind you how you don't want to feel during change so you can return to how you do want to feel.
When Change Demons visit, remember: 1) they are temporary; 2) they encourage you to make a choice--you can choose to feel better or worse than the emotion you are currently experiencing; and 3) they can be replaced with better, brighter emotions that will help you move through change with ease and grace. Faith, patience, endurance, and honesty are some positive emotions that can replace Change Demons.
>> Use Your Spiritual Strength
When everything is changing, it's important to find the part of yourself that doesn't change--your calm, centered, spiritual side, your higher self. It's the part that's connected to something greater and uses your intuition as a guide. You need to reconnect to it through prayer, meditation, nature, silence, or journaling...anything that helps you go back inside, where your true spirit and power reside.
While your lower self may slip into self-pity and hold grudges, your higher self doesn't allow you to become a victim, to blame someone else when things get difficult, or to get lost in anger. This side helps you shine in strength, compassion, and clarity. During change, make an effort to act from your higher self and ask: "What would the better, wiser, calmer part of me do or say or think right now?"
>> You Have a Change Muscle
Everyone is born with a will to survive, get better, and be happier--I call this the Change Muscle. It helps you accept the reality of your situation and find your center again. Every time you are faced with a change and move through it, you are activating that muscle. And once you flex it, it's strengthened for life--you can never lose all that you have gained from experience. Next time you're faced with transition, remember that your Change Muscle will give you the strength to get through it.
>> Accept Change
When change happens, you often look longingly back to what used to be. You don't like where the river of life seems to be taking you, so you cling to the rocks or row vigorously upstream--that's what makes change tough! Accept change by taking in your new circumstances without fighting, arguing, explaining, or asking "What if?" It may be difficult at first, but you will soon see that life will lead you through this change and into a place of greater happiness and peace.
Go in the direction that life is taking you. If it's a divorce, accept it; if it's a health diagnosis, accept it--only then can you focus on re-aligning yourself with a plan and an optimistic view that focuses on the future, not the past.
>> Take Action
People who are good at change stop talking and take positive action. Whether life has thrown you a change or you want to make a shift, get a journal and start writing down your feelings. Then make a plan that feels right and is realistic and hopeful. Next, start moving physically. Getting some form of exercise is an absolute must when going through change--don't forget the S.E.E.D of all change. (Sleep, Eat Well, Exercise, and Drink Water).
Doing something for someone else--helping a neighbor, calling a lonely friend, spending extra time with your child--will also help to keep you moving forward during change. You can also try something brand new--a new route home, a new class at the gym, a new restaurant, to get things flowing. During transitions it's also helpful to create a "wall of change" with images of what you want to shift and work towards.
