Blast from the past...
To: vikkicar@yahoo.com
Subject: Big 3-0
From: "FutureMe.org"
Date: Wed, 15 Feb 2006 05:00:01 -0500

(The following is an e-mail from the past, composed on Sunday, June 13, 2004, and sent via FutureMe.org)

I stumbled upon this site thru a blog I read on a regular basis. Why not make an email to me for the future right? Kinda freaky but let's see how I'd feel when I receive this on the intended date.

You're 30 today. Are you feeling it? If all worked as planned. You'll be with Someone. Somewhere. Somehow. Could be the biggest gesture you'd ever make. You've been anticipating for this day. It marks an end and a beginning for you. Are you happy today? Did you get to know God as you wanted a few years back? Do you still read blogs? Are you still inlove with him? Or with someone else? You want to taste some other alcoholiquids when you hit this age, will you still do it? Godbless You.

V

WOW. What can I say to this? When I saw the subject line on my inbox, I was like...hmmm...yeah...so, the website lived up to its name afterall. I don't quite remember from which blog I got the link of Future Me from but I do remember around that time, thinking, that it was a cool idea to write your future self. Which what I did. Wrote myself intended for my 30th. A few days ago, I turned 30.

WOW. I'm still absorbing this fact in my life. I'm 30. Though, I'm not gonna ask "Why God? Why?...," it's been a good comfy 30 years of existence, some down moments but I know better now that those down moments [past and the ones to come] has made [and will make] me a better person.

I wanna humor myself and answer the questions I posted back in June 2004...I have to say, the people behind the website are impressive. Heee. Okay...let's get on with my questions to myself ...

You're 30 today. Are you feeling it?
Hmmm...I feel more pressure is upon me now that I'm 30. Though, at the same time, I feel like I can do whatever I want since I'm now 30. So, basically, being 30, can work for and against me. Heee.

If all worked as planned. You'll be with Someone. Somewhere. Somehow. Could be the biggest gesture you'd ever make.
Okay, I think, I remember who and what and where I'm talking about on this one. It was D [someone I met online back in the day from one of the groups I was in, a FRIENDS group me thinks...], we hardly chat or anything, we just catch up via email once in a while, and on one of our rare chats, we sort of made a promise that if neither of us is seeing someone or with someone when I reach 30, we'd meet somewhere and just spend time getting to know eachother and exploring the possibility of us. I still have him on my list, we don't get to catch eachother online anymore, though, since I'm always online on my YM, he says hi once in a while, he greeted me on my 30th, which actually surprised me that he remembered. He's now a daddy, I'm now with NG. So, in the grand scheme of things, I'd say, we're both happy. I pray that he is.

Are you happy today?
That I am. Looking back, I had a few down moments in my life but generally speaking, my life has been comfortable. I just didn't acknowledge it for years but now that I'm seeing it from a different mind set and I stopped blaming myself for what happened to me before, I have never been more happier. I don't have a 100% peace of mind about my past but I'm moving on. Grabbing as many spoons as possible.

Did you get to know God as you wanted a few years back?
YES. It's the greatest and mostest thing that has ever happened to me. Getting to know Him and just letting Him back in my life. It's all falling into the right places. One day at a time. I am a blessed person. More than I thought I could ever be.

Do you still read blogs?
That would be a resounding YES.

Are you still in-love with him?
Ohkay, I think, I was referring to G [the guy who thought I loved and loved me back...wheee...] on this one...they say first love never dies...but mine has been dead for years now. I mean, the feeling, not the guy I fell inlove [or I thought I did] with years and years ago. I think, he's still alive though I hope he's not being unfaithful to his wife [or to whomever he is with] now. I pray for him, he needs it.

Or with someone else?
Yes, I am in-love with someone else. It it actually a good feeling when reciprocated.

You want to taste some other alcoholiquids?
Well...aside from AbCoke, I had a pitcher of zombie [which NG said tasted like Koolaid] all by myself last Wednesday night. I'm so proud of me. Heee.

Will you still do it?
I was referring to doing the deed with D on this one. And I just wanna whack myself in the head for entertaining the thought of doing it in the first place. What was I thinking? I know better now. I'm not gonna score until after I say I DO. Yes, it can wait. It's just an icing on the cake. I KNOW, I can wait. I just pray that the guy I'm gonna be marrying can keep his promise that he'd wait for me too.

Okay, me thinks, I will write to my future self again. Hmmm. I'm gonna send it for my 35th. That's bound to be cool. You should give it a try.

I guess, that'll be it for now...need to catch a few zzzz before heading to the beach with NG. Oh yeah, NG's here since the 12th. He was here for our 14th month. He was here for my 30th. No complaints so far, even if he snores from time to time. Heee.

Thanks again for visiting. Will post pictures next time. Keep the faith and God Bless.

Zzzzzzztime...

"If there is someone on your friends list who makes your world a better place just because they exist and who you would not have met (in real life or not without the internet), then post this same sentence in your journal."

"Everything that is worthwhile in life is scary. Choosing a school, choosing a career, getting married, having kids--all those things are scary. If it is not fearful, it is not worthwhile." - Paul Tornier [from Beliefnet's Daily Inspirations...]

You're not in the mood to stop. Stop what? Anything. Anything at all. In other words, no matter what you're doing, feeling, or about to do, you won't want to pull yourself back, not one teeny, tiny iota. Fortunately, everyone will be in a similar frame of mind and heart, so no one will notice -- oh, except, perhaps for the lucky individual who'll be on the receiving end of your wonderful attention. And they probably won't object. [got that from here]

Okay, will try and get some zzzz now...

Thanks for visiting again. Keep the faith. Have a fine weekend ya'll.

I'm officially on vacay mood, so, no work anything for two weeks. Yay. First time I'm taking a vacation. Two weeks that will change my life for sure. As one good friend texted earlier...my future will unfold...whatever will be, will be...indeed.

Okay, last one...I just remembered something that made me laugh last night...
Nadine: Ate, kelan anniversary nyo?
Me: Sa Monday, 13th...14 months na...
Nadine: every Monday?
[I love Nadine...she's someone who can quickly make me laugh/smile...I love talking to her because she says what's on her mind without malice or anything...]

Prayers check for everyall. God Bless us always.

Reel and Real Worlds...

Yes, it's me, I would've posted much sooner but I feel I don't have much to tell. I actually have a lot to tell but I'm not gonna tell everything. Heee.

Friday the 3rd
My mother turned 56. Bought her a cake. I finished work early. By lunchtime, I had given the 3 gatepasses to the trucking service we hired. They just have to deliver the container vans before midnight. All thoughts were positive about my work accomplished for the week. When I got home, got a bit pissed off because there were people gambling in our house. I REALLY don't understand why some people [my parents included] can gamble everyday. Yes, it's an addiction. Yes, it's little money but if it's done everyday...it adds up to a lot right? SIGH. My parents just seem to not get it as to how we are in a financial crisis. We are like months behind on our house rent. They say, it's just libangan...SIGH. I don't wanna talk about it more. It just makes me feel bad about the situation. I just do what I always do, keep quiet about it. What else can I do right? I can't afford to move out even if I wanted to. I remember SisterJ telling me before that she wanted to move out if my parents will keep doing what they're doing but ofcourse, the reason she's out of the house now is because she's working outside the country. At least, in a twisted scheme of things, she got what she wanted no? Oh well. I just pray about it a whole lot too. Or I just stay in my room and watch FRIENDS. They are always there for me. Heee.

I did chat with NG when I got home so, my off moments where not as off as I walk through the gate. After our chat at around 4:30pm-ish, naptime was on my mind. Then a few minutes inside my room, my phone rang and it was one of the trucking service we hired, telling me that they can't exit the South Harbor Port Zone because the gatekeeper were asking for a piece of document to support the gatepass they had. Apparently, they now asked for that piece of photo-copied document upon every truck exit from South Harbor. And since, I'm the ONLY employee of my UncleBoss, I had to go back and bring that piece of paper to the trucking service we hired. Sheesh. I was like, no more nap time for me.

[What I'm about to rant right now will just be BLAH BLAH BLAH to most of you...but I will not stop you from reading...heee]
On my way back to South Harbor, I thought, it was just that particular gatepass that needed the document, I didn't know the new requirement when I got there. After I gave that darn piece of photo-copied document to our trucking service, it dawned on me that the two remaining trucks we hired didn't have the needed piece of document. I didn't bring any because I thought it was just for the other particular cargo. CRAP. So, I thought, I had to go back home, get that piece of paper and go back to South Harbor again. Then I remember of a few departments/places that I had given a copy of that needed piece of paper that I can borrow. It was 7pm-ish, so, the designated goverment examiners for the particular commodity were nowhere in sight. Crap. Another department that I had given a copy of the document was the ATI, I was praying...PLEASE make that document be there. Because they usually take to another department all the documents that were given to them before lunchtime. Blessedly, it was still there, so I borrowed it, and had it photo-copied. I even had it photo-copied thrice, just in case, the need for it may arise.

Next step was to call out trucking service and asked them where I can leave the documents. They said, leave it to the designated shipping line and they'll just get it from there. I went my way to the shipping line and I asked nicely, if I could leave it for them but the shipping guy was so grumpy and said: di na namin trabaho yan...baka mawala lang yan... [it was obvious he was in a bad mood coz he kept muttering as he was writing something] had to call our trucking service again, told them what the grumpy shipping guy told me, bottom line, I ended up waiting for the trucking service driver's helper aka pahinante until about 10pm. I so wanted to like cry but what good will it do? I kept thinking, why didn't I know about that particular new requirement or that both of the trucking services we hired didn't knew about it too...is just like...CRAP. I don't know, I had a pretty sucky Friday. Got home close to midnight. Tired. Was gonna start my movie weekend marathon BUT I was too tired to keep my eyes open.

Saturday the 4th
NGs text message woke me up at around 9am-ish, he just got home from work and it was the start of our weekend chat. Our usual chat hours before was night time, Philippine time but since he started working weekends last November, had to change a bit. It was all good. I can now do something else during my weeknights. Heee. Like, watch dvds. Wheee. Or go to dinner with my friends. Chat ended at around 2pm-ish. Then had to take a shower at my cousin's house because we didn't have water [repairing pipes and what not], it's now Monday night and we still don't have water. Anyhoo, dinner at Don Hen with Doctora, it was all good, we ended up talking a while. I'm still not as talkie as my friends are...they really can make kwento well...I seem to jump from one topic to another. I KNOW that. Anyhoo, after dinner, we went to Miss M's house to visit her, she kept apologizing that she's not a good hostess that night, we were like...no need to apologize. She fed us yummy cake for dessert and got to watch the 100th episode of Smallville [which I stopped watching since season3...I forget why I stopped watching...but I wanna watch it again...]

It was mostly girl talking...we are all going through different glitches in our lives but the good thing about it all is...we KNOW that we will be there for eachother..no matter what. And that prayers always work and that time will heal old wounds. Or at least, make it seem bearable to get up each day. The gurls even suggested a make-over for me...YIKES...Oh Lordy...I know, I need some [if not a lot] of girly stuff to learn or do but I'm not just that person. I mean, YES, I do worry about how I look but I don't really make myself look good. You know what I mean? I don't fuss. I just don't. I worry about a lot already and really, looking good isn't really my thing. BUT, I've been thinking about it, and I might let the girls have their way on that makeover thingy BUT after my vacation. Because, I don't wanna worry about how I look in front of NG coz it's not really an issue me thinks. We've seen eachother's pictures and we open our webcams during our weekend chats soo...I don't know...I'm not worried about it. I'm sure he's not thinking of a makeover for himself too. Heee. Gurls, you know who you are...I'm all for that makeover thingy...as painful that thing might be...I'm willing to try having my brows plucked...I can still remember that time years ago...OUCH...but after my two week vacation okay? Heee. And NO MAKE UP. NO. I will only wear make-up again probably on my wedding day. And will you love me less if I don't have a makeover? Heeee. Kidding. I will do it because I trust you girls. You are the first ones that actually, made an offer like that. I'm really touched. That's sweet.

Prayers for those who died and got hurt during the stampede on their way to see a tv game show. SAD. Sad to think how many Filipinos are poor while our corrupt politicians gets richer and richer. How do they sleep at night? I just wonder. Who's to blame for that tragedy? I hope those people who've lost their loved ones will not lose their faiths in God. I pray for that. Without faith in God, we will not survive me feels.

Movies I've seen this weekend: Fever Pitch [I love Jimmy Fallon but seeing him outside of SNL is a bit surreal...I kept thinking he'd throw in a joke anytime...it was an okay movie...]; A Lot Like Love [I love the soundtrack...Ashton Kutcher is one good looking guy...Amanda Peet and Ashton have on-screen chemistry me feels]; In Good Company [Topher Grace of That 70s Show fame...I like him too...it was an okay movie...rather slow but okay enough...]; Little Black Book [Brittanny Murphy for me will always be that gurl who was in CLUELESS...heee...the movie was dragging but I got a few lines that I picked up...

If you're happy with what you know, do you deserve an explanation about what you don't know?
Omissions are betrayals.
Perhaps some secrets should remain secret.[I agree with this 101%...if you know that a secret can hurt more people than it already has on you, I'd rather keep it to myself or tell a few good friends who are not involve directly with that secret...that's just my take on it...]

This has been a pretty long post...heee...I got carried away. I didn't even got to tell about my Sunday. Next time maybe. Thanks again for visiting.

May you all have a fine week. I know I will, because this is the last week of work for me before my two weeks off. My first vacation since I started working for UncleBoss back in 1998. I think, I deserve it no? Two weeks without work. Sigh. Just saying it makes me feel good.

This could be my last post before my two weeks off or not...who knows...we'll see on that. All I'm sure of is, I will turn 30 in a few weeks. I'm not gonna be like Joey, asking "why God, why..." Heee. I will just be grateful and thankful that He let me live this long to be with my family and friends and then some other special people too. I'm too blessed to be stressed. That I am. Keep the faith and God Bless.