Beliefnet Feature from Oprah.com.
You've just woken up, and you're on the wrong side of the bed. Is there any way to switch to the other side? Absolutely.
For those times when your mind is addled, and your center is shaky; open this little black bag of cures and find your beautiful balance!
By Kathryn Matthews from O, The Oprah Magazine, October 2007
As soon as the alarm rings...
Spend your first 15 seconds awake planning something nice to do for yourself today. "This can really set you up in a good mood--even if it's just going by the farmers' market and getting fresh strawberries," says Alice Domar, PhD, whose next book--Be Happy Without Being Perfect: How to Break Free from the Perfection Deception--will be out in March 2008.
Get up.
The longer you lie there, the more you ruminate, the darker your outlook is likely to become, says Christine Padesky, PhD, coauthor of Mind Over Mood. So get vertical and make a cup of coffee, take a shower, feed the cat...
Drink...
Make that two glasses of water upon awakening, the time when our bodies are dehydrated, says Susan M. Kleiner, PhD, author of The Good Mood Diet. Dehydration causes fatigue, which affects your mood.
Move it.
You already know the number one way of chasing away a bad mood: exercise. A workout at the gym sure helps. But even just a few minutes of movement--a fast walk, for example--raises energy and reduces tension, says mood expert Robert Thayer, PhD, professor of psychology at California State University, Long Beach, and author of Calm Energy.
Investigate.
When you're dogged by anxiety or the dread you woke up with, try to pinpoint what's causing it. Did someone say anything the day before? Do you have a meeting today you wish you didn't? Was it the dream you were having when the alarm went off? "If you can figure out why you're upset, that's halfway to feeling better," says Domar.
Be kind and thankful.
This isn't exactly news, but generosity and gratitude are both big contributors to happiness, according to Todd B. Kashdan, PhD, who directs the Laboratory for the Study of Social Anxiety, Character Strengths, and Related Phenomena at George Mason University in Fairfax, Virginia. Do something nice for a stranger or friend and see if you don't feel better about yourself. Also, jot down three things that you're grateful for. It seems so simple, but counting your blessings just has a way of making you remember the sun is shining.
Laugh at yourself.
The best comedians point out the mundane aspects of life--relationship strife, a boring job, a closet full of too-tight clothes; they exaggerate those circumstances, and give us a perspective we can laugh about, says Mark Ridley, owner of the Comedy Castle in Royal Oak, Michigan. Look at your own life and try to appreciate the absurdity of what doesn't go exactly according to plan (the diets, the men, the buzz cut). Acknowledging how little control we actually have over what happens is sometimes a most freeing gift to yourself.
By Rabbi Brad Hirschfield
Conflict is an inevitable part of life, but it need not always be painful. In fact, we all have within us the ability to sustain relationships even when we deeply disagree. When we reach our breaking point (as we all do), and need to walk away, we can do so in ways that make it more likely that we will come back together.
Here are seven ancient Talmudic steps to follow when confronted with a conflict. They create conversation--not denigration--and encourage us to talk about what matters most in ways that hurt the least.
1. Give Yourself a Break
Sometimes you need some distance-some time to cool off and reflect. But it should be just that, i.e., a limited amount of time after which you and the person with whom you are fighting agree to come back together and revisit the issues. A time out can be a great thing, as long as its design is to bring you back together.
2. Respect the Other Person's Dignity
The one whom you are in conflict with should never lose their value as a human being. No matter how right you think you are and how wrong they may be, don't deny their dignity; you will do more harm than good.
3. Experience Radical Empathy
We must do everything in our power to identify with the other person and their position before fighting for our own. Simply saying that we understand their point of view is not enough--be able to argue it well and present it as if you shared it yourself.
4. Acknowledge Your Partner's Wisdom
Before we can be their teacher, we must first become their student. We must accept that no matter how wrong someone is about one thing, they are unlikely to be wrong about everything. Nobody is smart enough to be 100 percent right or dumb enough to 100 percent wrong.
5. Know That Conflict Hurts Everyone
Appreciate that even when we are doing everything right in handling our relationships, we all pay a price when a conflict unfolds. Being right should not insulate us from feeling the pain that is a part of the conflict in which we are engaged.
6. Look First to Yourself
Even when we are right, we should always ask how we participate in creating and perpetuating the conflict. We all play the blame game sometimes, but it's important to point a thumb back at ourselves before a finger at the other person.
7. Remember, Being Right Is Not Enough
Remind ourselves that the only real justification for conflict with those about whom we care is that it addresses an issue, which is central to sustaining the relationship over time. If it's just about being right, then it probably isn't worth it.
